Self-control is a rare virtue

Self-control is a rare virtue

I once conducted a survey of 160,000 adult prisoners in various prisons in the United States, and found an amazing fact: these unfortunate men and women Ninety percent of the time a prisoner ends up in prison because he or she lacks the self-control necessary to direct their energies in positive and beneficial ways.

Lack of self-control is one of the most destructive weaknesses of the average salesman. When the customer says something that the salesman does not want to hear, and if the latter lacks self-control, he immediately strikes back with the same words, which is the most fatal injury to his sales efforts.

If there is no passion in life, then life will become a wasteland and lose the original value of life. But if it is too extreme, it becomes a kind of pathology. So, we have to keep it in moderation.

Self-control is a rare virtue

Many people hope to find a book of secrets to make them less bumpy in their pursuit of success. What they don't realize is that the principles of success are embedded in our ordinary, everyday experience, and that real opportunities are often hidden in unimportant life details. For those who often complain about not being favored by opportunities, the following story may be instructive.

One rainy afternoon, an old woman walked into a department store in Pittsburgh. She didn't look like she was going to buy anything, but was just looking around. Most of the salespeople just glanced at her and went on to sort the shelves. However, a young male shop assistant did not do this. When he saw the old woman, he immediately greeted her and asked her politely if she needed any help. The old woman told him that she was just coming in to take shelter from the rain and wasn't planning to buy anything. Even so, the young man said she was welcome and offered to chat with her to show that she was indeed welcome. When she left, the young man accompanied her to the street and opened the umbrella for her. Before leaving, the old woman not only expressed her gratitude to the young man, but also asked him for a business card.

Later, the young man had almost completely forgotten about it. One day, he was suddenly called to the office by the boss of the company, and the boss showed him the letter from the old lady. The old woman called for the department store to send a salesman to Scotland to take on the job of furnishing a luxury residence on the company's behalf.

It turns out that this old woman is the mother of the steel magnate Carnegie.Give this wonderful young man a chance to make his mark. Just imagine, if the young man hadn't kindly entertained the old lady who didn't want to buy anything, he wouldn't have such surprises in his life.

If you ask people on the road to success why they haven't achieved more in the industry they are in, ninety percent of them will tell you that they haven't The reason for success is failure to get good opportunities. But is this really the case? If you take a closer look at them, you will find that most of them are unconsciously pushing away the good opportunities that come to them.

I think the biggest reason why most people can only spend their lives in mediocrity is that they lack self-control and always let their bad emotions go. Since Plato, self-control has been regarded as a virtue, emphasizing that a person should be able to resist the emotional waves under the impact of fate and not become a slave to passion. Self-control means "prudent, balanced and wise life attitude" in ancient Greek. Therefore, self-control by no means refers to emotional suppression, but emphasizes the meaning and value of balance and emotional response. Too much indulgence and too much depression of emotion will lead to pathological personality.

The key to a person's emotional well-being lies in whether he can restrain unpleasant feelings, while the main cause of emotional instability is extreme emotions (too strong or too long). Of course, this is not to say that a person should only pursue one emotion. It is impossible to be happy forever, and at the same time it seems a bit dull. In an aesthetic sense, pain is always deeper than pleasure, and it is the most complex and profound part of human emotions. It can sublimate a person's soul. Therefore, suffering and happiness are the lines that constitute the landscape of our life, and what is important is that they should reach a balance to some extent.

Some people compare the human heart to a complex math problem, and the feeling of happiness depends on the ratio of positive and negative emotions. In fact, this metaphor has a theoretical basis. Psychologists have conducted a study involving hundreds of people, allowing these people to carry a kind of pager, and the researchers remind them to record their emotional state at that time from time to time. This research shows that a person who is happy and satisfied with life does not have to avoid all unpleasant feelings, but must not allow himself to fall into intense, out-of-control emotions; even if a person feels intense depression or anger, as long as there is When the happy time he wants to appear, the influence of this negative emotion can still be offset, and he can still feel happiness.

Although a person's emotions are changing at any time, it is not without rules. Just as the human brain is always thinking about something, emotions are also persistent. A momentary emotional state doesn't tell much, but if a person's emotional state is recorded for several months, averaged and analyzed, it can reflect his overall sense of well-being. Of course, for most people, emotions are mostly in the gray area in the middle, and extreme emotions are rare.

The special structure and society of the human brainSome of the uncertainties of life make it impossible for us to control when and what emotions control us. However, that’s not to say we’re completely powerless over our emotions; often, we do have some ability to regulate how long they last. Generally speaking, negative emotions such as sadness, worry, and anger will not have a great impact on our lives. With a little patience and time, these emotions will gradually disappear. However, once these negative emotions last too strongly or for too long, they may bring harm to your life. If a person is in a state of anxiety, depression, or mania for a long time, it is likely that the accumulation will never return, and he must receive the help of drugs or a psychologist.

Everyone has a certain ability to adjust emotions. Unless you are seriously troubled by negative emotions, you can completely regulate your emotions with your own ability. Research has found that most people adopt a resigned negative attitude toward their emotions and are unwilling to put in the effort to change their emotional state. In fact, just like other cultivations that human beings have that need to be cultivated through learning, self-control also requires us to acquire it with a positive attitude.

In today's society, people are increasingly aware of the importance of mental health. Only with a healthy mind can you adapt to this ever-changing world.

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